I feel suicidal and feel like not living anymore, help please, I keep spitting on the bible?

If you're a Christian, since you mention not attending church which implies you normally do, then the best things to do are to pray about it and read that bible, preferably a clean one. Also, there is medicine and help available to those who are bi-polar, do you have any medication that's been prescribed to you? Take it if you do and if you don't, you should really go to a doctor. Also, I really really recommend talking to a pastor if you feel possessed. No you are not better off dead. Life is a gift and you can do so much with it. Your life can change the world for the better. Please don't throw away what you have been given. My prayers are with you.